Apparently Job Interviewing Has Dramatically Changed

Apparently, the way in which a job interview is conducted has dramatically changed.

I guess I’m old school, but I remember a time when an interviewee would show up 15 minutes early to fill out an application. Upon arriving, men would be professionally dressed in a suit and tie, hair looking like it actually had been washed within the last week and fingernails that didn’t look like they had just finished cleaning the inside of an Andy Gump outhouse. Women would wear skirts long enough to cover their asses and underwear, have on less makeup then a circus clown, and understood that perfume was meant to be subtle, not make them smell like a cheap Las Vegas hooker. With them, they would bring several typo free copies of their resume, a list of references, a pen and be prepared to have a comprehensible dialog about their career goals.

In business why can’t people just say what they actually mean?

I’m currently sitting on a flight back to LAX from Chicago after a successful business trip. I’m exhausted, trying to relax and have tried everything possible to prevent the Tard sitting next to me from talking to me. Nothing has worked, so my last resort is putting in my headphones to my iPod and pulling out my laptop in the hopes that it will finally shut him up and direct his foul breath in another direction. I know the economy is in the toilet but if the airlines want to improve the experience of their first class passengers they should considered dropping the moist towels and warm chocolate chip cookies in favor of shots of wintergreen Listerine and clinical strength Rightguard.

There’s No Crying in Business!

When did everyone become so incredibly hyper sensitive? It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even give an employee a stern look, let alone raise my voice without the likelihood of their eyes swelling up and a pathetic salty discharge rolling down their little pink cheek. And as if that isn’t bad enough, the more hilarious part is that it’s usually followed up by a written complaint submitted to HR and ultimately ends with being “unfriended’ by them on Facebook. Boo hoo! Did Baby Boomers raise a generation of emotionally handicapped crybabies or has our society produced a workforce of over medicated, unstable pill poppers? This is business… it’s not personal!

I Don’t Want to Hear Any More Apologies!

Oftentimes in our personal lives we demand apologies we don’t deserve and refuse to be satisfied when they’re delivered without sufficient groveling. However, in business an apology seems to consist of a partial admission that something said or done was inappropriate and then followed with some sort of excuse for it.

Newsflash: Everyone in the Organization Works for Sales!

Most companies seem to have two very distinct and opposing groups of individuals: salespeople and everyone else. There has always been a very deep line in the sand and a clear cut division between these groups.

How Many Hours a Week Do your Employees Actually WORK?

Unfortunately, it’s no longer just frowned upon to force your employees to work 80 hours a week, while paying them for 40. I guess it’s also illegal…thanks a lot OSHA! The good old days are over, and the reality is a very large percentage of the work week is spent NOT working. I have determined, with all the distractions and interruptions, the average employee end ups working approximately 15 hours of a traditional 40 hour week…and that’s on weeks they actually show up to work everyday.

Losing your best salesperson is probably YOUR fault!

In my experience, a surefire way to lose your best salesman is to make him a sales manager. It seems odd that would be the case, but unfortunately, it’s the truth. Sales management is one of the most challenging balancing acts in the business world.

“I CAN’T MAKE IT IN TO WORK TODAY!”

I have heard every imaginable excuse over the years as to why an employee can’t make it in to work. Some are so outrageous that I have contemplated indexing them and making some kind of reference book with a scoring system for originality, creativity, believability and pure stupidity. Others are just so predictable and unoriginal that I should really consider firing them for their lack of effort and imagination. Despite the vast number of stories, I have yet to be extremely impressed with a really magnificent excuse. They all have pretty much sucked!

“The Check Is In The Mail”

“The Check Is In The Mail”
I have heard this whopper tens of thousands of times throughout my professional career and it never loses its nauseating impact. Unfortunately, I have been forced to give this a lot of thought and it is without a doubt my all time favorite lie in business!

Don’t You Just Hate Monday Morning Sales Meetings

Welcome to my weekly blog. My name is Sir Rants-A-Lot and I have over 20 years of professional sales and marketing experience; have worked for multiple companies from small start-ups to Fortune 500’s in almost every capacity imaginable. I’m currently the Executive Vice President for a direct marketing company and over the years, I have made many fascinating and some not so fascinating observations about the unique environment created within a sales organization that are worth “ranting” and “raving” about!